A collection of priceless rugby quotes
Rugby is great.The players don’t wear helmets or padding; they just beat the living daylights out of each other and then go for a beer.I love that.
Joe Theismann
Beer and Rugby are more or less synonymous.
Chris Laidlaw
Rugby may have many problems, but the gravest is undoubtedly that of the persistence of summer.
Chris Laidlaw
The advantage law is the best law in rugby,because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.
Derek Robinson
"Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city."
Oscar Wilde
After an All-Blacks surprise loss to the French in the 1999 Rugby World Cup: "The French are predictably unpredictable."
Andrew Mehrtens.
After biting Sean Fitzpatrick's ear: "For an 18-month suspension, I feel I probably should have torn it off. Then at least I could say, 'Look, I've returned to South Africa with the guy's ear.'"
Johan le Roux
"If the game is run properly as a professional game, you do not need 57 old farts running rugby."
Will Carling (1995)
"I'm still an amateur, of course, but I became rugby's first millionaire five years ago."
David Campese (1991)
"Every time I went to tackle him, Horrocks went one way, Taylor went the other, and all I got was the bloody hyphen."
Nick England, On trying to stop Phil Horrocks-Taylor
"The only trophy we won this day, was the blood and sweat we left on the pitch.... and it was enough"
Anon
"Don't ask me about emotions in the Welsh dressing room. I'm someone who cries when he watches Little House on the Prairie."
Robert Norster (1994)
"England's coach Jack Powell, an immensely successful businessman, has the acerbic wit of Dorothy Parker and, according to most New Zealanders, a similar knowledge of rugby."
Mark Reason Total Sport (1996)
Following Scotland's accusations of French foul play: "If you can't take a punch, you should play table tennis."
Pierre Berbizier (1995)
On Wales losing 28-9 against Australia: "No leadership, no ideas. Not even enough imagination to thump someone in the line-up when the ref wasn't looking."
J.P.R. Williams (1984)
"The job of Welsh coach is like a minor part in a Quentin Tarantino film: you stagger on, you hallucinate, nobody seems to understand a word you say, you throw up, you get shot. Poor old Kevin Bowring has come up through the coaching structure so he knows what it takes ... 15 more players than Wales have at present."
Mark Reason Total Sport (1996)
"The relationship between the Welsh and the English is based on trust and understanding. They don't trust us and we don't understand them."
Dudley Wood (1986)
"We've lost seven of our last eight matches. Only team that we've beaten was Western Samoa. Good job we didn't play the whole of Samoa."
Gareth Davies (1989)
Before the New Zealand v England World Cup semi-final: "Remember that rugby is a team game; all 14 of you make sure you pass the ball to Jonah."
Anon fax to N.Z. team (1995)
On Jonah Lomu: "I've seen a lot people like him, but they weren't playing on the wing."
Colin Meads (1995)
On Jonah Lomu: "There's no doubt about it, he's a big bastard."
Gavin Hastings (1995)
"Colin Meads is the kind of player you expect to see emerging from a ruck with the remains of a jockstrap between his teeth."
Tom O'Reilly
"In 1823, William Webb Ellis first picked up the ball in his arms and ran with it. And for the next 156 years forwards have been trying to work out why."
Sir Tasker Watkins (1979)
"Rugby backs can be identified because they generally have clean jerseys and identifiable partings in their hair... come the revolution the backs will be the first to be lined up against the wall and shot for living parasitically off the work of others."
Peter Fizsimmons
"I think you enjoy the game more if you don't know the rules. Anyway, you're on the same wavelength as the referees."
Jonathan Davies, A Question of Sport BBC TV (1995)
"Rugby is played by men with odd shaped balls."
Car bumper sticker
"You've got to get your first tackle in early, even if it's late."
Ray Graved
Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city.
Oscar Wilde
Irish writer.
"You blindfold yourself and spin around for 10 times and then open your eyes and try to chase it down.''
Canada coach Ric Suggitt on preparing to play against Fiji's expansive attacking style.
"If we have to play against New Zealand, I'll explain it like this. To win, their 15 players have to have a diarrhoea and we will have to put snipers around the field shooting at them and then we have to play the best match of our lives."
Argentina second row Juan Martin Fernandez Lobbe on a potential match-up against the All Blacks (in hindsight, beating them wasn't so hard).
"I'd like to thank the press from the heart of my bottom."
Nick Easter after England silenced the doubters with their quarter-final win over Australia.
"He's the sort of player whose brain doesn't always know where his legs are carrying him.''
Nick Farr-Jones on Campese.
"Grandmother or tails, sir?"
To Princess Anne's son Peter Phillips, Gordonstoun School's rugby captain, for his pre-match coin-toss preference from an anonymous rugby referee in 1995.
And now for a few quips from our friends in New Zealand:
"Nobody in Rugby should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Jono Gibbs - Chiefs
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Rodney So'ialo - Hurricanes on University
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Colin Cooper - Hurricanes head coach
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
Chris Masoe (Hurricanes) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Colin Cooper on Paul Tito
It's basically the same, just darker." Kevin Senio ( Auckland ), on Night Rugby vs Day Games
"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'David, I don't know and I don't care.'
David Nucifora ( Auckland ) talking about Troy Flavell
"I want to reach for 150 or 200 points this season, whichever comes first."
David Holwell (Hurricanes) when asked about the upcoming season
"Andy Ellis - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago" Murray Mexted
"Colin has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator."Ma'a Nonu
"He scored that try after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play."Murray Mexted
"We actually got the winning try three minutes from the end but then they scored."Phil Waugh - Waratahs
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." Jerry Collins
"That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical." Tony Brown
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." Tana Umaga
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in rugby - but none of them serious." Doc Mayhew
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." Anton Oliver
"I would not say he (Rico Gear) is the best left winger in the Super 14, but there are none better." Murray Mexted
"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." Ewan McKenzie
Murray Deaker: "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?" Tana Umaga: "On what?"
"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." Murray Mexted
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."Murray Mexted
Joe Theismann
Beer and Rugby are more or less synonymous.
Chris Laidlaw
Rugby may have many problems, but the gravest is undoubtedly that of the persistence of summer.
Chris Laidlaw
The advantage law is the best law in rugby,because it lets you ignore all the others for the good of the game.
Derek Robinson
"Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city."
Oscar Wilde
After an All-Blacks surprise loss to the French in the 1999 Rugby World Cup: "The French are predictably unpredictable."
Andrew Mehrtens.
After biting Sean Fitzpatrick's ear: "For an 18-month suspension, I feel I probably should have torn it off. Then at least I could say, 'Look, I've returned to South Africa with the guy's ear.'"
Johan le Roux
"If the game is run properly as a professional game, you do not need 57 old farts running rugby."
Will Carling (1995)
"I'm still an amateur, of course, but I became rugby's first millionaire five years ago."
David Campese (1991)
"Every time I went to tackle him, Horrocks went one way, Taylor went the other, and all I got was the bloody hyphen."
Nick England, On trying to stop Phil Horrocks-Taylor
"The only trophy we won this day, was the blood and sweat we left on the pitch.... and it was enough"
Anon
"Don't ask me about emotions in the Welsh dressing room. I'm someone who cries when he watches Little House on the Prairie."
Robert Norster (1994)
"England's coach Jack Powell, an immensely successful businessman, has the acerbic wit of Dorothy Parker and, according to most New Zealanders, a similar knowledge of rugby."
Mark Reason Total Sport (1996)
Following Scotland's accusations of French foul play: "If you can't take a punch, you should play table tennis."
Pierre Berbizier (1995)
On Wales losing 28-9 against Australia: "No leadership, no ideas. Not even enough imagination to thump someone in the line-up when the ref wasn't looking."
J.P.R. Williams (1984)
"The job of Welsh coach is like a minor part in a Quentin Tarantino film: you stagger on, you hallucinate, nobody seems to understand a word you say, you throw up, you get shot. Poor old Kevin Bowring has come up through the coaching structure so he knows what it takes ... 15 more players than Wales have at present."
Mark Reason Total Sport (1996)
"The relationship between the Welsh and the English is based on trust and understanding. They don't trust us and we don't understand them."
Dudley Wood (1986)
"We've lost seven of our last eight matches. Only team that we've beaten was Western Samoa. Good job we didn't play the whole of Samoa."
Gareth Davies (1989)
Before the New Zealand v England World Cup semi-final: "Remember that rugby is a team game; all 14 of you make sure you pass the ball to Jonah."
Anon fax to N.Z. team (1995)
On Jonah Lomu: "I've seen a lot people like him, but they weren't playing on the wing."
Colin Meads (1995)
On Jonah Lomu: "There's no doubt about it, he's a big bastard."
Gavin Hastings (1995)
"Colin Meads is the kind of player you expect to see emerging from a ruck with the remains of a jockstrap between his teeth."
Tom O'Reilly
"In 1823, William Webb Ellis first picked up the ball in his arms and ran with it. And for the next 156 years forwards have been trying to work out why."
Sir Tasker Watkins (1979)
"Rugby backs can be identified because they generally have clean jerseys and identifiable partings in their hair... come the revolution the backs will be the first to be lined up against the wall and shot for living parasitically off the work of others."
Peter Fizsimmons
"I think you enjoy the game more if you don't know the rules. Anyway, you're on the same wavelength as the referees."
Jonathan Davies, A Question of Sport BBC TV (1995)
"Rugby is played by men with odd shaped balls."
Car bumper sticker
"You've got to get your first tackle in early, even if it's late."
Ray Graved
Rugby is a good occasion for keeping thirty bullies far from the center of the city.
Oscar Wilde
Irish writer.
"You blindfold yourself and spin around for 10 times and then open your eyes and try to chase it down.''
Canada coach Ric Suggitt on preparing to play against Fiji's expansive attacking style.
"If we have to play against New Zealand, I'll explain it like this. To win, their 15 players have to have a diarrhoea and we will have to put snipers around the field shooting at them and then we have to play the best match of our lives."
Argentina second row Juan Martin Fernandez Lobbe on a potential match-up against the All Blacks (in hindsight, beating them wasn't so hard).
"I'd like to thank the press from the heart of my bottom."
Nick Easter after England silenced the doubters with their quarter-final win over Australia.
"He's the sort of player whose brain doesn't always know where his legs are carrying him.''
Nick Farr-Jones on Campese.
"Grandmother or tails, sir?"
To Princess Anne's son Peter Phillips, Gordonstoun School's rugby captain, for his pre-match coin-toss preference from an anonymous rugby referee in 1995.
And now for a few quips from our friends in New Zealand:
"Nobody in Rugby should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Jono Gibbs - Chiefs
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." Rodney So'ialo - Hurricanes on University
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle." Colin Cooper - Hurricanes head coach
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
Chris Masoe (Hurricanes) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." Colin Cooper on Paul Tito
It's basically the same, just darker." Kevin Senio ( Auckland ), on Night Rugby vs Day Games
"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'David, I don't know and I don't care.'
David Nucifora ( Auckland ) talking about Troy Flavell
"I want to reach for 150 or 200 points this season, whichever comes first."
David Holwell (Hurricanes) when asked about the upcoming season
"Andy Ellis - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago" Murray Mexted
"Colin has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator."Ma'a Nonu
"He scored that try after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play."Murray Mexted
"We actually got the winning try three minutes from the end but then they scored."Phil Waugh - Waratahs
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." Jerry Collins
"That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical." Tony Brown
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." Tana Umaga
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in rugby - but none of them serious." Doc Mayhew
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again." Anton Oliver
"I would not say he (Rico Gear) is the best left winger in the Super 14, but there are none better." Murray Mexted
"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat." Ewan McKenzie
Murray Deaker: "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?" Tana Umaga: "On what?"
"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw." Murray Mexted
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."Murray Mexted
